What the Pig Knows
by Luisa
Summary: During Winter Break Buffy and Giles get an urgent call home, where they are forced to face their feelings when a spell goes wrong.


Title: What the Pig Knows Email: leyjd@hotmail.com Pairing: B/G Rating: PG Distribution: Dword, Kattie, Dee, TL; all my usual archives. Anyone else - if you're crazy enough to want this, you're welcome to it... just let me know where! Summary: During Winter Break Buffy and Giles get an urgent call home, where they are forced to face their feelings when a spell goes wrong. Spoilers: Through early season 4 - before the Riley badness. Disclaimer: Not mine although I wish they were. All I own is an overactive imagination. The ingenious invention of the Buffy-Verse belongs to Joss, Fox, ME and co. Feedback: Yes please! I'd love to know what you think of this insanity! Thanks: To Angela for the bunny and the advice/begging... but please keep those darn bunnies away from me in future :) Thanks also to Donna for your advice, too. Finally thanks to Deb for another great beta :)  
  
You should see the look on her face. Well, really, you should see the look on all their faces. It's quite funny, to be perfectly honest... hilarious, even. You can tell they don't know whether to laugh or cry. No surprise there. After all, its not every day you get called home to investigate a larger-than-life stuffed pig, is it?  
  
Naturally, he's the first to recover from the shock. After polishing his glasses for a moment - clearly stalling - he speaks slowly, still trying to believe his eyes.  
  
"I now see why your mother called you, Buffy. Well, it's a good thing you brought us with you... this must be dealt with immediately. Although, I wish you'd been clearer. 'We gotta go home *now*' wasn't exactly a good warning for dealing with a... blown up version of Mister... Mister..." He frowns, and I can see him searching his brain in a vain attempt to recall my name. Buffy supplies it, rolling her eyes as she does so.  
  
"Don't you remember, Giles? Pink, furry pig with a curly tail and cutey ears... don't tell me you've forgotten? I know I've mentioned him before. Do you never listen?" Her voice is half-teasing, half-accusatory as she awaits his response.  
  
"Of course I do. I remember you talking about him... I just don't recall... his name. Mister... something?" he looks at her hopefully as his sentence dies. She sighs and rolls her eyes again.  
  
"It's Mister Gordo, Giles." She sighs dramatically, but with a forgiving smile. "And I thought *I* never paid attention."  
  
His frown deepens slightly at her typical response and he stammers out his defence.  
  
"I... I just... got thrown off balance by his appearance, okay? This isn't what I was expecting."  
  
"S'okay, Giles." She sighs again, this time, resignedly. "I totally get that. He's not usually so..." She fishes around for the right word and, for the first time, Willow speaks - her voice trembling and her face still showing her earlier surprise.  
  
"B-big?"  
  
"Uh-huh." The mumbled agreement comes from Xander, who, I see, has also momentarily broken out of his stupor before returning to silently goggling at me.  
  
I try to console them but all that happens is a loud noise escapes from my usually sealed mouth.  
  
Willow shrieks and jumps into Xander's waiting arms while Buffy and Giles look at each other with raised eyebrows.  
  
"Well, that's never happened before," Buffy observes calmly.  
  
Before anyone can respond to her ridiculously obvious statement, a soft knock is heard at the bedroom door and Buffy's mom lets herself into the room - still ashen-faced.  
  
"Any luck?" she asks quietly, clinging to the door as if it's a lifeline. I suppose she has to - I'm pretty sure she'd fall to the floor in a dead faint again if she were to let go.  
  
"Nope, not yet." Buffy grins in an effort to reassure her mother, but even I can see that the smile doesn't quite reach her eyes. I wonder what she's thinking. I want so desperately for things to go back to how they were. I want to be her comforter again, instead of a burden.  
  
That thought urges me to try again. This time I focus hard on what I want to say, trying not to let any odd noises escape. I squeeze my eyes shut and, after a moment of intense concentration, I dare to speak.  
  
"It's okay, Buffy... I'm not a demon." I'm as surprised as the others to hear myself speak the words that I'd been thinking.  
  
Okay, so the words are a little muffled and sound like Xander trying to talk around a mouthful of food, but I've done it, all the same. They can tell what it is that I've spoken. A sudden thud echoes in the small room and I peek through half-open eyes to see that Buffy's mom has fainted again. She *really* should have sat on the bed. Oh. Wait. *I'm* on the bed. Oops. Okay, brain, engage... let's get off the bed so that the group can lay her down. Hang on - do I *have* a brain? I guess I must do, as I'm sitting here, talking to myself while three teenagers and a Gentleman are staring at me as if I've grown another head... which I may as well have, I guess.  
  
"What did you say?" Buffy's whisper cuts through the tense air and I can see tears of relief pooling in her big, beautiful eyes. I wonder again what's going on in her mind and, eager to put whatever fears she has to rest, I say it again - putting all my energy into repeating myself.  
  
"I... said..." Wow, this is hard work, but I stick with it. "It... It's okay, Buffy... I'm not a demon." The words are less... chewy... this time, but regardless of how they sound, the effort is worth it as she understands and a couple of those tears break free, gliding smoothly over her cheekbones. Yep, those are definitely tears of relief... I realise now that she was worried she'd have to slay me. I swallow sudden panic at that thought but thank the heavens that I managed to convince her otherwise.  
  
She turns away suddenly to help her mother... although I can tell that she's only doing it for her own sake. I know Buffy. She doesn't want her friends to see how emotional she's getting over a stuffed toy - even though it would be understandable - after all, we've been together since... well, since forever. Still, I'm glad for the distraction. I really *don't* want to think about getting Slayed.  
  
Anyway, where was I before I repeated myself? Oh yes. I was trying to get my brain to communicate with my body. I silently command all my limbs to work together to get off the bed. Amazingly, it works and I push myself forward, much to the alarm of Willow and Xander, who hold each other even tighter and back into the corner between the wardrobe and the window. I wonder if they're planning to use the window as an escape route in case things get hairy. I can't help but snort at my joke. Hairy. Get it? Willow shrieks again at the sound, and I quickly shut up, instead watching silently as Buffy and Giles work together to lift her mom onto the bed. Hmmm. Interesting. *Very* interesting. She doesn't seem to realise it, but he keeps sneaking sidelong glances at her.  
  
Mission finally accomplished, Buffy smoothes down her mother's hair before straightening and dusting her hands together.  
  
"So. What now?" Her gaze lingers on her Watcher for the briefest of moments before coming to rest upon me again. Watcher? Oh yes, of course I know about that. I'm like... I'm like a wall. You see, walls watch and listen to everything that goes on... but they can never speak of what they witness. I, on the other hand, presently can. At that, I grin to myself - but stop suddenly as I notice Buffy's unease. Gods, I must look like something out of a horror film. The thought causes me to shudder and at this moment I don't particularly care for the others' reactions. Horror films and I do *not* - and I strongly emphasise *not* - get on. I swear... one of these days, Buffy's gonna squeeze me so hard my seams are gonna burst and my stuffing'll pop out everywhere. That sort of thing can damage a friendship, you know.  
  
My thoughts are cut off as I notice that she's looking at him again. It's the same expression that she used to reserve for Angel and I have to fight to keep a snicker from escaping. He doesn't seem to have noticed her body language... he's too busy staring at me again. If the situation weren't so funny, I'd be offended by his next words.  
  
"I... I suppose we'd better research this... abnormality."  
  
Buffy's look of longing fades as she responds with a pout. "Yeah... it's seriously wigging me out that even my stuffed pig is taller than me."  
  
"Everyone's taller than you, Buff." Ah, so Xander has found his voice again, has he? He'll lose it again, if he's not careful, judging by the glare Buffy sends his way. Not for the first time, Willow plays peacemaker, speaking bravely up.  
  
"Research sounds good. Right, Xand?" She's so funny, that girl - the way she elbows her best friend in the ribcage to make her point. Still, he takes the hint and nods eagerly, dragging her sideways, toward the door. Before they can escape, however, Giles speaks up in a soft, but commanding voice.  
  
"We'll start by questioning the - er - the pig."  
  
Willow pales at those words and once more I'm intrigued to know what's going on in her pretty head. Before I can bring myself to ask, I'm distracted by Buffy exploding into a fit of giggles. Giles frowns at her reaction to his words and pinches the bridge of his nose in exasperation.  
  
"Buffy. This is not a laughing matter. What if you're not the only one with an overgrown toy? Had you considered that? We must get to the bottom of this, urgently." His tone is stern, yet there is a gleam of fondness for his Slayer shining in his eyes. Oh for goodness' sake, will you two just get together, already?  
  
A heavy silence suddenly blankets the room and I become aware of everyone staring at me. Oh hell. Did I say that out loud? The silence stretches out and I shift uncomfortably, wishing I could be inanimate again... especially as Buffy's glaring daggers at me.  
  
"*What* did you say?" Her words come out on a low growl.  
  
"I... I... Uh..." I know I'm stammering and I realise the sounds aren't entirely pleasant, but I just can't help it. I dare not repeat the words that I hadn't meant to utter, for fear of my life. Willow joins in with the stammering; her eyes wide like saucers as her gaze flicks between Buffy and I.  
  
"He... he... he said... you... you a-and Giles...." Her focus has moved to dart between Watcher and Slayer and she's waggling a finger between the two of them while she tries to get the sentence past her lips. "...Th-that you.... you sh-should be... to..." She swallows audibly and I wish more than ever that those words hadn't escaped me. I'm meant to be a comforter, for heaven's sake, not an inflictor. Silence resumes momentarily, for the redhead is unable to repeat my words. Xander's hold on her loosens and he at last closes his mouth, which has been gaping ever since my 'revelation'.  
  
"You..." He winces before asking his question. "You didn't mean that, did you? Please say 'no'. Why would you say something like that, anyway? It's insane."  
  
It's so sad, how the light seems to go out in both Buffy's and Giles' eyes at Xander's statement. I want to swing for him. How can he be so insensitive? More to the point, he's not only insensitive, but blind too, apparently. I mean, anyone with eyes can see how the Watcher and his Slayer look at each other; anyone can see that they're perfect for each other... well, anyone but this group of people, that is.  
  
"Yeah... insane." Buffy repeats softly, her voice full of a sorrow that only I recognise. The sound makes me see red and before I know it, I'm blurting out several home truths - regardless of Willow's quivering, Xander's jaw dropping once more, Giles' bewilderment or Buffy's icy glare. My mouth is becoming more used to speech, now, and the words are coming more freely.  
  
"No, it isn't insane... why the hell would it be? Is it so hard to believe that they could be in love? Really?" No one responds to that question, they all just stare at me with varying degrees of astonishment, so I continue. "Think about it, people. Buffy has been in love with Giles since the prom. Even if it weren't for the fact that she moans your name in her sleep..."  
  
"She moans...? Nightmares?"  
  
"Not *those* sorts of moans, Giles," I correct him and he flushes at my meaning. I want to smirk at his reaction, but instead I feel compelled to continue. "Besides, she tells me how she feels about you all the time - she whispers it into my ears every night. Not that she needs to... it's obvious anyway, because it shows in her eyes."  
  
"Hang on... she tells you...?"  
  
"Yes, Giles, she tells me. She tells me *everything*. She tells me that there isn't a single part of her that isn't in love with you and when she's not telling me that, she's crying because she thinks you're unattainable. I was the one who had to listen to how she wanted to dance with you at the Prom, even though you never asked, and I was the one who listened while she sobbed her heart out after discovering Olivia in your apartment."  
  
"But... but... how was I to know?"  
  
"Fair enough, you couldn't have known, but I'm telling you now: sort it out, the pair of you. Giles, I realise that this isn't the greatest impression I could've hoped to make for our first meeting, but this could be the only chance you get to hear this, so listen up. Buffy *loves* you... more than any other guy she's ever loved. As far as she's concerned, you're her soulmate. And I've seen the way you've been looking at her today - it's not hard to figure out that you're crazy about her, too. So, I'd be inclined to agree with her on the whole soulmate thing."  
  
A sharp gasp echoes in the suddenly still room and I realise that Buffy is staring at me in astonishment, looking for all the world as if she's about to topple over. Oops. I forgot she was in the room. I was so focussed on Giles, so intent on making him see sense that I forgot how this would hurt Buffy. A myriad of emotions pass over the depths of her blue-grey eyes and I can see through them that she's uncertain how to react. I think she's glad, in part, that this is out in the open now because it can stop oppressing her; yet she seems saddened that her feelings aren't, well, her *own*, anymore. The other parts, I'm pretty sure, involve her being terrified of how everyone's gonna react, and wanting to slay me, demon or not. I hastily try to put things right.  
  
"Buffy... I'm sorry..."  
  
My apology is cut short as Xander's confused voice fills the air.  
  
"Wait... let me get this right... you think that they're..." his panic- filled eyes flicker between Buffy and her shell-shocked Watcher to indicate his understanding, "... *soulmates*? You're saying that Buffy's... *in love* with... Giles?"  
  
I don't know how to respond to that without causing further damage, but Buffy solves the problem for me as she backs into the bed and sinks down beside her mother.  
  
"Yes." Her eyes are downcast now and I reckon she's wishing she could take back her feelings as much as I wish I could take back my words. She raises her eyes briefly to glance up at Giles and I notice there are tears in them, poised to fall without warning. "I... I'm sorry, Giles. I understand... if..."  
  
Something in her words seems to break him out of his semi-trance, for he immediately steps toward her and falls at her knees, before gathering her into a tight embrace.  
  
"Sssh. Don't be sorry, love... never be sorry for your feelings. It is I who should apologise... I should have told you sooner how I felt. Buffy... sweetheart..." He tilts her face up to his and gazes into her eyes for endless moments, caressing her skin softly as he does so. "I think you're right. I believe we *are* soulmates... because I love you, too." He gathers her to him again and lowers his voice - yet we can all still hear what he is saying. "I love you so much that it physically hurts when we're apart. I love you so much that I ache for your touch. I'm in love with you, Buffy... heart, body, mind and soul... I'm yours, completely."  
  
They seem to have forgotten about the rest of us. It's as if they're alone in the room because Giles is now alternating between gently kissing away the tears that have fallen during his speech, and whispering words of what I can only guess are love, putting a beautiful smile on the Slayer's face.  
  
"I... I think we should go, Will."  
  
Mid-nod, Willow's eyes widen and she responds to Xander's hushed words by pointing toward the loved-up couple.  
  
"Um... Xand? What're we gonna do about...?"  
  
Before she can ask the question, the solution presents itself as a stirring on the bed causes everyone present to freeze. Buffy's mom slowly sits up and I look suspiciously at her. She seems oddly perkier as she surveys the room, taking in her daughter's clinch with Giles in the process.  
  
She's still avoiding looking at me, even as she moves off the bed and toward the door where Willow and Xander are watching the proceedings with unveiled curiosity. Whether she's still shaken by my appearance, I don't know. I suppose she could be afraid that I might repeat some of the things she's told me when she's been cleaning Buffy's room. But... no... I would *never* do such a thing.  
  
"Mom?"  
  
Mrs. Summers turns slightly upon hearing her daughter's voice and there's a strange smile on her face. "Yes, honey?"  
  
Buffy peers at her mother and I think she's wondering if an alien has assumed her mom's body. "Aren't you gonna say something?" Now Giles is joining in with peering and Buffy's mom lets loose a soft chuckle.  
  
"It's about damned time."  
  
Both the Slayer's and Watcher's jaws hit the deck as Joyce joins the others, high-fiving first Willow, then Xander. Those jaws go through the deck as Buffy's mom speaks again with a grin in her voice.  
  
"Nice work, Willow. Good to see you using your magic for good. But please, could you warn me next time you decide to enlarge Mister Gordo? As you can probably tell, I wasn't expecting that to be a part of the spell. He gave me the fright of my life."  
  
"Neither was I." There's a slightly shameful expression on her face and for the second time today I find myself seeing red.  
  
"What? You... you mean... it was *you*? You blew me up? Hang on... you mean to say... I've been... *used*?" Okay, maybe yelling won't help and maybe I'm overreacting but still... they could have let me in on their plan. I start to sulk, but no one seems to care. Buffy and Giles are busy - still keeping each other just about upright while Joyce is exiting the room, having resumed her chuckling. Xander is trying to drag Willow out, too, but she is busy trying to protest her innocence.  
  
"It's not like that..." The witch stammers out. "It's just... we all knew how perfect you were together. All I did was a spell for them to discover their true feelings. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this. Well..." she glances toward the couple still with their arms around each other and corrects herself, "It *was* supposed to turn out like... *that*... just not *this* way. I... I'm sorry. I never meant to use you."  
  
"Forget it, Will. He'll never understand." Xander gives another gentle tug on her arm and tries to pull her out of the room.  
  
"Yeah? That's what you always think, isn't it? That no one will never understand. Well you're wrong. Buffy's not the only one with secrets, you know. Don't forget, I remember everything you've ever told me about Buffy and Willow and Cordelia. And as for you, Willow..."  
  
"Will?" Xander isn't taking a blind bit of notice about my rantings and tugs on the redhead's arm again. "Just shrink him, already."  
  
She lets him lead her from the room this time, obviously eager to escape hearing her past confessions being aired. I know what's coming as I hear a several simple words emit from her lips while she follows the boy out.  
  
"Let the spell be undone."  
  
Oh... hell. The world, as I know it, is getting bigger again. It doesn't help that Buffy and Giles seem to be recovering from the shock of her mother's seal of approval on the relationship. The Slayer whispers something I can't hear into her Watcher's ear and he starts to grin as she gets up and moves toward me. I dread to think what she has in mind. My fears are soon answered as she single-handedly picks me up and places me on her desk, the other hand fishing around in her drawer for something. After a moment she finds what she's looking for and retrieves it. A bandage? Are they intending to play 'Doctors and Nurses'? Apparently... *not*, I realise, as she starts winding the gauze around my head. Once she's satisfied that I can't see a thing, I sense her stepping away. A moment later I hear the door close and lock. Oh, this is going to be fun... I can tell exactly what's gonna happen minutes before the smooching begins and I find myself wishing that the witch had made me deaf, too.  
  
END 


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